Days like today I wonder what it would be like to read notes from years ago, little messages you had stored for yourself. Not journal entries, but notes like the one I came across tonight. I had been emptying out my phone to have a little less clutter.
This entry tells me more about that day of my life than probably the most dedicated diary entry would.
I look at those time slots and I remember exactly how I felt.
So fearful, so hopeful. So nervous that no matter how tired I became, I couldn't sleep for more than a handful of minutes, nodding off only to snap awake again, afraid I had missed something.
It's been 4 months now. And I feel like some tragic version of my real self sometimes.
And I wonder when it gets easier.
That's not to say that my days are filled with sadness, because they aren't, not at all.
I have wild and silly, laughter inducing moment... great days.
But there are little blips in those days, like the one I'm having now.
And they make me feel a little smaller than I would like to be.