Thursday, December 19, 2013

Little Blips


Days like today I wonder what it would be like to read notes from years ago, little messages you had stored for yourself. Not journal entries, but notes like the one I came across tonight. I had been emptying out my phone to have a little less clutter. 

This entry tells me more about that day of my life than probably the most dedicated diary entry would. 
I look at those time slots and I remember exactly how I felt. 
So fearful, so hopeful. So nervous that no matter how tired I became, I couldn't sleep for more than a handful of minutes, nodding off only to snap awake again, afraid I had missed something. 


It's been 4 months now. And I feel like some tragic version of my real self sometimes. 
And I wonder when it gets easier. 
That's not to say that my days are filled with sadness, because they aren't, not at all. 
I have wild and silly, laughter inducing moment... great days. 
But there are little blips in those days, like the one I'm having now. 
And they make me feel a little smaller than I would like to be. 

3 comments:

Vick said...

This makes me sad for you that you lost someone so precious to you. You always write things so beautiful though. Im glad your writing again.

Dani said...

I can't believe it's been 4 months. Keep all your memories of her, good and bad.

Jan said...

Look at what a fabulous mommy you were and are! Your kids are lucky to have you. It's been 5 months for me and I hurt for you,and me. Still.